"Ladies rule, guys drewl"
Keep in mind it's an investment in behaving like a perfect gentleman 100% of the time, no matter what that ache in your balls is trying to convince you to do. Swingers also compare notes on who behaves well around couples and who seems focused on self gratification (and not entering the lifestyle). There are many guys who think that saying phrases like "I'm into the lifestyle" is a sure method for quick acceptance. No, it's about getting known (for behaving like a perfect gentleman) and building trusts. There is an enormous legacy of past bad behaviour such that any single guy starting out has built in reputation to overcome. The other sad part is in the singles swinging world 100% of the single guys think it's the OTHER 95% of the guys who behave badly. To understand this read - We were asked once 'Why are you (couples) so harsh to single guys?'. Still with us? Good! Below are some tips to help you enter the lifestyle.
This guide is not intended to be the 'magic tip sheet' that gets you your first swinging experience. It's also assumed you're in between girlfriends or swinging without your wife. If you've only had one girlfriend your entire life this page is NOT for you, search elsewhere. Sorry! Hooking up with a "Fuck Buddy" might be a good alternative, as you'd then be a "couple" to many. This may be sufficient to get past many but not all barriers. A "Fuck Buddy" refers to a pair of singles that swing as a couple but don't live together or have a long term relationship together.
At first reading this page may seem a bit negative and anti-men. Hang in there, we wrote this so you could begin to enter the lifestyle and enjoy swinging with the rest of us. The overall process of being selected by a couple (or a private party group) is very similar to courting a girlfriend or wife. Patience and not rushing folks is very important, even to the point of replying to ads a day after it appears, esp if the ad turned you on. Don't minimize ANY of the details below "because it's only sex", because it's NOT to almost all of the ladies!!! The internet is not your excuse to be crude, contrary to popular opinion amongst guys this does NOT turn on most ladies!
Basically ladies call ALL the shots when it comes to swinging. If your macho ness can't handle that you really shouldn't try swinging. You'll be discovered for "expressing yourself" as bad behaviour towards the ladies. However, if you're the type of guy that treats all the ladies as well as you do your own mother the only hurdle you'll face will be getting known, aka 'vetted' and accepted.
Getting into swinging as a single guy is all about patience, following rules and building trusts. Single guys MUST be respectful and be 100% consistent. Even though you want to do something with the ladies DON'T. If her rule or "NO" has prevented it you DO NOT DO IT, EVER!! Getting the reputation of "...he always follows our rules..." is your goal.
Couples DO have the control of selecting which singles get the PRIVILEGE of swinging with them. They do frequently talk amongst themselves and are asked to recommend single guys to others that seek them. Comments such as "...he doesn't always follow our rules..." or "...he's a little rough, even when told to slow down..." and others comments do affect how the choices are made. This is exactly why 'unknown' and/or 'unvetted' single guys as you are presently known don't get open invites to most swinging clubs/private parties. Being better than almost ALL of the rest can get you selected.
Yes, there are couples that thrive on the "wild unknown" of single guys, typically in Gang Bangs, parking lot playtime's and Adult Book Stores aka ABS's. The couples that go to them will/still have rules and state limits of likes/dislikes too. Too many inexperienced guys assume the ladies somehow don't require the same amount of respect (because "they're a slut!") as they do in real life. WRONG!!! Think again, as many of the other participants may be swingers too, behave badly with them and it will get back to the swinging community, possibly ruining your chances forever! Ever heard of the expression "Lady in the boardroom, slut in the bedroom"??? Basic translation is a lady will relax and become sexual when and if she feels comfortable (and is turned on). Behaving like a well behaved gentleman to the ladies by following all of their rules WILL help make this happen at an Gang Bang, parking lot playtime or ABS, not doing so can possibly make the couple leave early or never come back again!
Most guys will blow it on this point alone. Does the ad say "no single guys" in it? If so, move on. Their reasons for not wanting singles are theirs alone. Do NOT try to persuade them to change their rule just for you. If the ad says "reply to private email" DO NOT send them an Instant Message or post a response to their posting in the Yahoo! group!
Read their ad carefully and make sure YOU meet EVERY one of their requirements. OK, now get honest with yourself. Do you still meet all of the requirements? Re-read the ad again now that you're less excited. Do not reply to ads that you're only a partial match to. If the ad say ages 40-60 ONLY and you're 35, do not think that being close will get you in! The couple may have a very good reasons for ALL of the 'boundaries' that they place in their ads. Pleading for an exceptions will just get you a reputation of someone who tries to bend rules. It doesn't matter how big your johnson is, how great a lover or how much you look like a famous movie star!
So what could be some of the reasons couples exclude single guys? We'll try to give some examples: 1) they prefer couples. 2) Some older swinger may not want to swing with people in their 20's or 30's. 3) Other couples with a big span in their ages (esp if the lady is younger) may want to swing only with younger guys, excluding the older gentlemen. 4) The lady may have a fantasy she wants to fulfil, the ad then becomes a "casting requirement" as you're no longer just a dick to her, you're playing a "major part" in her fantasy!
Bottom line: it's THEIR rules, so just ACCEPT it. Respond ONLY to the couples that your statistics match most or all of their requirements, NOT the ones that turn you on and make you desire to swing with them!!!!
More is better, less is not. Huh? Take some time to write several good sentences about yourself. A good short bio about yourself that your mom could possibly read and be proud of. Save it as your ad, refining it as you go along. Here's a typically seen response to an ad, then a guys ad, both poorly written:
|"OOoo, I've got a fat 8 incher that wants to be pleased....."|
|"sexy 39 male in the nnj area is seeking a cock hungry slut for some hot fun if interested reply to m...@y..."|
Try to romance the lady with your exterior aspects, ie visible when you're clothed. Height, weight, hair length (detail if pertinent bald, crew cut or pony tail?), hair color, eye color, smooth (yer johnson), circumcised (y/n?) and facial hair are some examples. You need basically need to appeal to the ladies "type" she wants to be with. A general idea of what you do too might be help full too: ie construction, professional, public safety, etc as these might be important. Be sure to include your sexual orientation: ie straight, totally straight (don't want to be around ANY bi-male action), bi-curious, or bi.
When you get rejection replies take what they say about you constructively, especially if they say they are looking for an aspect you left out of your ad. Most ladies DO NOT want to know how big your 'johnson' is at first, unless it's a requirement in their ad. Believe it or not being circumcised or not many times MAY more important to the ladies. Trust us, the stating of your johnson size 'up front' generally only hurts the negotiation, not helps! Why no example of a good ad? The ad MUST be totally YOU, so only YOU can write it! OK, our ad is our home page, but it's huge, many find it too text rich. You were warned!
Sending pictures is another area that many guys screw up on. This also includes sending a picture when none was requested. Many guys somehow think sending a dick picture will somehow convince the couple that you are 'the one' they're looking for. Think of this point now: would you like looking at 10-30 dick pics. No??? why not? Well, neither does the husband of the couple, he's a guy too! OK, this isn't 100% about guys.
MOST ladies are NOT anywhere as turned on by the visual aspects of sex as guys are. So, a facial picture, IF REQUESTED is preferable over a dick picture. The point being you need to turn the ladies on FIRST with your full presentation, ie a nice facial picture. Save the "package" pictures for later or those that ask for them.
When a couple posts an ad they get 10's to almost 100 (or more) replies. if too many have attached pictures no more mail flows to the couple, including your response. Say you responded with 5 attached pictures, the message totaling nearly a megabyte. This is an example, read on. Being identified by the couple as the one guy who helped fill their email mailbox is not good. It can put you on their "NO" or "No Response" list in a New York minute! If you really must send a picture (or two at most) make sure it's small. We use IrfanView to edit and resize pictures, it's very simple to use. Try to get your TOTAL attachment size BELOW 50 kb (if you included more than one).
Feel like you won't be picked if you don't send at least one dick picture? Aaaaahhh you're just not getting it at all. Want a second opinion from a single male? Try this excellent one ---> A Rough Guide for Single Male Swingers on the Net That guide is a compilation of thoughts of that page's author's own experience as a single male swinger.
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Last updated Sunday, January 31, 2010
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