Why have swinging rules?

For us - why soft swing only
Our main reason is having a separation between what we have for our making love to each other and recreational sex. This distinction is VERY important to us. Swinging discards several of society's sexual behaviour rules, so we feel a need to protect our relationsip with our own. This is primarily an emotional need, but is also driven by the 'safe sex' issues. Another reason is trust. With rules we both know that each other knows EXACTLY what is OK and what isn't. Getting separated at a party or communication with other swingers while apart does happen. After all it's our relationship that could be at stake, potentially jeopardizing it is TOO high a price to pay for the privilege of swinging. Our goal was to safeguard our relationship FIRST and our health (safe sex) second. If having these rules means that we DON'T swing with some couples (those who insist on full swap only) so be it. It's OUR choice!!!

Other kinks
Before we stated exactly what we would NOT do on this web site we used to get a LOT of single and married guys looking for 'players' for their kinks. You won't believe how many times we've heard 'my wife doesn't understand my needs' from these guys. Not that we find anything that consenting ADULTS might do together offensive, it's just we may not be interested in all kinks. It's within our right, correct? We thought so too but each week we had many guys trying to convince us otherwise. We'll try new things on OUR schedule thank you! We add new kinks after we discuss them between us at length, sometimes over weeks and months. When and if we agree that going forward is OK we set a plan that possibly includes tighter rules at first. Adding the 'no' kinks items to our rules then became a means to reduce these well intended folks from trying to recruit us to their scene before we're ready.

Protection from STD's
We've lived thru the time when anything contracted in a sexual encounter either washed off in the shower or had a pill/shot to cure it. Now times have changed and people talk of 'safe sex' as an operating philosophy when swinging. As it turns out there are many definitions or personalization's of 'safe sex' that we've seen. For us, not having penile penetration of the vagina (a rule for BOTH of us BTW) eliminates a great amount of what experts say is potentially hazardous play. We agree it's not physically hazardous if both are disease free, but we're soft swing so it a moot point.
Unfortunately not all swingers are as honest about their other partners as they need to be. A few engage in much more unsafe sex practices than soft or full swinging (with condoms). Many swing circles do not allow bi-sexual men for this reason, NOT homophobia! People that have sex with others in the Adult Theaters or peep show video booth glory holes also get excluded at times. We are passive participants when we visit these places for the reason of these assumptions. After all, how does one tell the honest from the liars (or grossly uninformed) without a STD test? People that frequent $ for sex professionals (streetwalkers and in/outcall escorts) also fall in this category.
Condoms for oral sex? Even for women? Yes, the experts do recommend them. There is a theoretical risk of infection because infected blood from a partner's bleeding gums or an open sore could come in contact with a scratch, cut, or sore on the penis. Remember the hazard is to women in that intercourse brings male fluids in contact with the uterine walls and potentially into the bloodstream. Some feel that not swallowing semen at the male's climax is an expansion of safe sex. In reality there is semen leakage from the beginning of the erection, well before the climax. Semen leakage continues past climax until the next urination. This is one reason the experts recommend that males urinate between partners. So, drinks lots of fluids (water is best) at parties guys!
Any play that has the potential of bleed out from either partner can be hazardous. Most people only think of the kinkier play topics as being hazardous, but anal sex and fisting are also hazardous too.
Get checked for STD's often - not just at your once every 3 year full physical! This is not just for yourself but also for the good of all others in the lifestyle community.

Purpose and closing
Seeing this here isn't the 'end all' for what we as a couple might do in the future. It's meant as a clarification and example for others to use or learn from. We discuss our existing rules all the time, believe it or not. We have rarely changed them though, only making clarifications of the 'four walls' (who, what, where, when) of their definitions. This page is the previously missing part - why. Our rules evolved and expanded over time. Some restrictions were dropped after long and carefull discussions between us. Other rules were enhanced to cover experiences we had that we hadn't thought of. We still do this. Will we relax some of our rules in the future? Only time will tell, no predictions offered!


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Last updated June 30, 2007

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